David Kendall » Grumpy git

Bespoke this, bespoke that

David — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 14:06:23 +0000

Has anyone else noticed the blatant overuse of the word bespoke lately, even companies are being formed with the word bespoke in the title.

Today there was a company van in front of me, ‘Bespoke Painting’ it had plastered all over the back and sides.

Bespoke Painting?

WTF?!?!?! Of course painting is going to be bespoke, how else can it be done? I mean, what use is a painter to paint the same wall over and over again?

This even got me thinking whether my definition of bespoke was wrong but looking it up ‘bespoke – made to individual order’ . So no this time at least I am correct.

Am I just moaning about nothing again or am I making any sense here? Friggin bespoke!

UK weather forcasters – they know nothing it’s official

David — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 15:25:45 +0000

In late November we were told it was going to be a warm December and hardly any rain, yet again today I am defrosting my car in spitting rain!
Why do they never get it right? The other day I put a forcast on BBC, the weathergirl (is that politically incorrect these days?) began with a current situation report, dark clouds she said, I was squinting to see the screen as the sun from an unblemished sky was blaring through my window! If they can`t even get right what is happening now what hope have they of predicting tomorrow let alone next week?!?!?

Along with footballers, UK weather people (I am learning here) must be the least professional of any profession. Imagine if I sent a website for approval to a client and the shopping cart didn`t work or all the text was wrong.

You may have noticed I have been mentioning UK weather people. I go to the states quite often and each time put on a local weather station (gees you folks think we are obsessed with the weather, you have dedicated channels and local channels have a forcast every few minutes!!) or the Weather Channel and as ifby magic, if they say it will rain, it does, if they say it will be glorious sunshine, it is! The other year whilst in New York the weather forcaster was brash enough to say that at 3.02pm it will rain. Like the geek that I am I set my watch by the clock on TV station. Later that day it began to rain, guess what time it was? You guessed it, 3.02pm!

So UK weather numpties, get your fingers out of your ass and sort yourselves out!

I feel better now after that, phew.

Guys with earrings

David — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 13:41:12 +0000

What’s all that about?

Do I look like I want to talk?

David — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 12:55:14 +0000

I have just returned from my mid day gym session, a little fitter and a lot less hydrated then an hour ago. Today was a run like hell, sweat buckets and try and force my heart to escape, run to the bar and order the biggest burger on the menu (and there are many).

Each time I go to the same gym, see the same circle of people and we have a little circle of friends that all happily chat and help each other if needed. The best thing about this circle of friends is the ability to notice when not to chat, a little hand wave to say hi is more appropriate than a big congversation about how his kitchen is taking an age to fit.

Today was one of those days, my gym friends gave the customary wave and continued with their own workouts, all but one. He is the chatty type, can talk for hours about the weather and about how music videos are getting dirtier these days (they are tho aren`t they?) . I was sweating from every orifice (not a pretty sight) and certainly couldn`t hold a conversation but he wanted a chat and damn you he was going to try and get one. Luckily for me he required yes/no answers to his seemingly never ending questions so a nod sufficed.

Tell you one thing, I can`t wait until he is next on a big run, I am gonna chat for hours about how much fun it is moaning about people on a blog!

Cheer up you miserable gits

David — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 13:47:38 +0000

I have just returned from a long walk with my beautiful dog Molly in the Derbyshire countryside. It is amazing to smell the fresh air, hear the sounds of nature from all around but best of all, not a car or road in sight. The English countryside is one of the wonders of the world so why does it make some people so bloody miserable?

Next time you go out into the countryside take a look at the faces of the people out ‘enjoying’ the sights. You know the ones I mean, all the gear no idea types with hundreds of pounds worth of specialist clothing on. Do these people ever smile? Do they actually enjoy being outside? Do they expect to go walking through fields and not get their shoes muddy? They have the most serious looks on their faces, surely there are there because the want to be?

If you aren`t enjoying yourselves, get in your car and go home and leave the countryside to people who want to be there!

Rant over

Will code for food

admin — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 15:02:15 +0000

I invited a builder to my house a few weeks ago to quote me for a small gate, farmhouse style and a lock.

“Hmm, I am gonna need hinges for that” he said, no shit I thought! “What type of wood do you want?” he asked to which I replied whatever will do the job.

As usual with builders the usual chit chat ensued with him asking me what I did for a living the subsequently explaining what a web developer is.

“Oh I want an internet” he said which meant he was after a website. He told me what he wanted, a few info pages, great animated intro page (1999 making a comeback!), contact and a quote generator. I thought hey, I can whip this up in half an hour (realistic a week or so including designs) so said I’d do it for £500. He looked at me blankly “I was expecting about 100 notes, not that bloomin (real word used substituted) much”.

Ok no worries I thought, so back to the job at hand, I asked how long it would take him to build my gate. One day he said including building and fitting, I asked him how much it would cost and his quote was…. wait for it…. remember 1 days worth of work here….

£800

Yes, no typos, £800. I replied back with the exact same remark he graced my quote with.

So with unlimited motivation to do it myself (£800!!) I got in the car, drove to my local B&Q and bought everything I needed for £30. That weekend I got up early Saturday and built myself a gate. I think it looks bloody brilliant and to date it hasn`t fallen down.

Anyone need any DIY doing, I charge £800 a day…

I have 571 years left – Microsoft time

admin — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 13:26:27 +0000

It must be hell working at Microsoft. It gets to 4.50pm, ten minutes until you get to go home but then Microsoft time kicks in and you have to stay another 5 hours!

I was installing a Microsoft product on my laptop this morning and made the mistake of looking at the time remaining. Should I sit there and stare at the progress bar or go make a drink, I was gagging for a drink but was also eager to play with my new product. Five minutes it said, ok, I`ll wait. 10 minutes later and we were down to 2 minutes, I have waited so far so what the hey, another 2 minutes won`t hurt. Another 5 minutes later and we were back up to 10 minutes!

By this point I was about to suck the moisture from my eyes so got out of my chair to make my drink and woo the chuff hoo, complete!

Microsoft I hate you!!!!!!!!